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Do you ever regret your decisions? - Catharsis [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Akasha Damiana

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Do you ever regret your decisions? [Feb. 15th, 2015|04:35 am]
Akasha Damiana
Well now, here we are.  You have had your way, did it help?  Did you forget her, did you forget how talking with her about all the things you cannot begin to share with others made you feel?  Did you stop remembering all the desire, the need, the love, the fear?  Are you all better now?  I know you are not, I know because we are connected whether we like it or not and what you feel I catch the edge of and vice versa.  Do you think that you will make it all disappear now?  Did you rid yourself of the sin of loving more than one woman at a time?  Do you think that now your religious mother will approve of you?  Do you think that anything you ever do will make her approve of you?  Do you feel assured that now you will now longer have to face the embarrassment of having your "friends" see that you are talking to me?  :)  Does this make all the crap you talked about your girlfriend go away?  Do you feel all secure now in your relationship that you have always been unsure of, that you ran away from a year ago, that you still profess to not know if you really want it? Can you erase her, can you block her, can you delete her, can you run away from her?   You should know that she cannot run away from you.  She cannot make eleven years of being in love with you go away just because you got scared and ran away from love, again.  What she feels and has felt for eleven years is mostly loss.  Extreme loss.  Grief.  Loneliness.  Like a piece of her was missing always, every day, in every special event.  Something is incomplete, and it is her, because you are not there.  Do you get it?  Do you feel that too?  The only time that there has been peace in her soul and a feeling of completeness is when you were in her presence or talking to her and she could feel your love.  This has been a constant stream of hurt that has only been alleviated by you and your love, kindness, attention.  You worry about the power others hold over you, while you do not understand all the power that you have had over me and US this whole time.  This fucked up invisible thread of destiny that will not let her be no matter how much she pleads ties her to you always.  All there is left now is pain and loss that feels like it will never end, ever, ever.  May our karma be resolved in this life time love, and if not then I look forward to when we are both finished with this life and I get to meet you soul to soul and trade experiences so that I can finally know why the fuck you are doing this.   The never ending heart ache began when I first looked in your eyes and fell in love, and it will never end because you have decided I will never see those eyes again in this life.  

[User Picture]From: akasha_damiana
2015-03-01 12:25 pm (UTC)
"Broken" by Seether featuring Amy Lee

Edited at 2015-03-04 02:22 pm (UTC)
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